Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Travails of a Single Mom.

Weird topic, I know that.
 One could be single mom “by choice or not”. My thoughts have been centered on the stated reasons in my own created categories as listed;
“By choice” could be as a result of the following reasons;
1. Getting too old and Biological clock is ticking and Mr. Right isn’t forthcoming
2. Miss independent. She doesn’t want the man wahala and she still wants to be a mother.
3. I don’t have any other. You could fill in the gap for me.
“Not by choice” would be for the following reasons as well
1. The father denies the baby.
2. Death of spouse
3. Divorce……etc
Now I got thinking about the ‘single mom by choice’ part.
Why would a lady just have the desire to be a single mom?
In this insane world I would think there is already a stigma attached to a being a “single mom by choice” (especially in Africa) but putting into consideration the craze in the western world which has really taken over our immediate environment I became nosey to dig out more reasons, because my thoughts seemed too narrow.
My findings are not any different from what my initial thoughts had been centered on, but I was able to get a clearer picture of it, very detailed one.
Really, the reasons I found were simple and straightforward. Women don’t see men as the head anymore. What a man can do, a woman can do better. Women are in heads of various positions in big companies and multinationals. They go to school as much as the men do and financially men are not any better again like it used to be in the past. So why would she need a man?
Taking a closer look at the home front reveals other issues like having her space where she calls all the shots without being questioned more like ‘My House My Rules”. No accountability to a supposed superior sex, no issue of in-laws, freedom of movement and association with desired friends, some don’t even want to change their surnames and more importantly no fear of being cheated on.
Women now go as far as getting IVF from anonymous donors just to get babies. Some just adopt, while some hook up randomly and never bother to tell the father that a baby exists, after all, she can afford to take care of the baby.
Hitting it straight now, my thoughts would be what kind of life do you want your child to live?
Just like yours?
Now, I think again about why people get married. For companionship and reproduction. (Those are the two most important)
Having read the book ‘Five Love Languages’ I learnt something very important. ‘Love is a choice’ it doesn’t erase the past but it makes the future different. It’s about being able to make sacrifices without being selfish about it.
It matters however that both parties are involved. Otherwise one gets frustrated.
No matter how independent you might claim to be, you need a masculine support at one time or the other.
There is definitely someone out there for you. You just need to lower your ego and get it right.
No matter how hard at heart you might be, you would definitely have a soft spot whenever you meet a couple with kids.
Raising a child alone isn’t easy and there will be trying times when you need a shoulder to lean on.
Someone to share the joy and the pains with.
You will always need a second opinion on every important issue.
Most importantly, the child will grow up and leave you someday and you are left with your husband (companion)
Gary Chapman says that someone has to keep that emotional tank full. You need a companion to do that.
“Single mom by choice”, definitely not a good idea for me.
I pray we won’t be victims of the other choice.(Amen)
Meanwhile in other news, Obama won !!!!. Another four (4) years as President of the United States.
Kudos to you, a Job well done.
Michelle is a very Lucky Lady.
Mitt, sowie, just not your turn yet.
I read his winning speech and as usual he was on point.
The Obama family is one I admire so much. (I actually had them in mind when I wrote my last post ‘Boy or Girl’).
Beautiful tinz still happening.
*wink*wink* @ AK.
(I think this is my longest post)
Enjoy the rest of your week.



  1. Hmm. no matter how masculine a woman may want others to believe, there's a part deep inside that wants to be loved and treated like a queen.

    However, a lot of failed marriages has not help the matter. marriages that were once sweet turn to a pool of blood only a few years later this usually plays a big role in creating 'marriage phobia' in a lot of young people. abusive relationships may occur during the dating years and this would seal the fate of that young person in deciding against marriage, a broken heart or even rape. all these events often times than not force young people (male and female) into an emotional prison

    The pain of single motherhood however have been relieved to an extent because of more understanding on the part of the society and increasing number of single parents.

    Many people would just rather settle for a 'friend with benefit' than be commited to a relationship based on varied expriences.

  2. Really which most of these our fast ladies n d career ladies can c things d way u are seeing it. Though some men can b terrible but trust me,as a lady all u need to know is d "Mumum button" of ur spouse. With ds u can get him to do ur wish. For d IVF ladies, hope ur child wont demand for his daddy one day because I imagine what ur child will say when other kids in school are busy talking about their daddy. Fatherly love is as important as motherly love. Thanks for this piece

  3. Really, only someone who has some issues upstairs would nurse the idea of being a single mom.Its not African at all to do that.


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