Friday, 16 November 2012

How do you break up a relationship?

 Just got a call from my very good friend and it had to do with her ex boyfriend calling to break off their relationship officially after about four months of unofficial break up.
Straight off here I have classified. Official & unofficial breakup.
What it means to me, I would explain, my understanding might be different for yours.
Official means you coming out clean to your prospective ‘ex’ that you are no longer interested in the relationship and give a reason for your action no matter how petty such reason might be.
Unofficial is usually started by withdrawing, blanking out, giving excuses for not calling or seeing and gradually a distance is created and it is expected that the relationship when starved will die a natural death.
As usual, after I did this breakdown it got me thinking. What is really the best way to break up a relationship?
Take note here that am not asking WHY you want to break up; I am asking HOW you want to do it.
I think back to what I have done or see people do and really I fink there is no sane way to do it.
No soft landing when it comes to breaking up.
I am sure a few people would say they have never broken up a relationship (yeah right, you probably married your first love).  Majority of us have done it at one time or the other including our parents and grandparents and beyond .Either officially or unofficially.
Honestly speaking I have done both ways, and I have experienced it being done to me as well.
Both ways hurt, but from experience I would say unofficial is worse.
Reasons; it’s like dying slowly. You are in suspense and you don’t know what to think, which in turn makes you assume and your assumption may be wrong. You keep thinking far and wide to figure it out.
For relationships that are very closely knitted it could be painful for the party that is kept in the dark. You keep wondering what you have done wrong and yet you can’t seem to figure it out. You miss the calls, pings and chats and the sudden/gradual withdrawal as the case may be.
For the Persons that are action oriented (like a friend I used to have back then), they would start finding facts and digging for clues.For instance, they could show up unannounced at their partners place without invitation just to catch him/her unawares (I can’t do this, because I feel you may get to see or find out what would hurt you more).
Ladies especially, usually want to talk to friends to get diverse ideas and opinions both good and bad.
Another thing would be being nosey to things like checking Phones and bb messages to find out anything fishy (trust me; it’s not the best thing to do at all).
Whatever the case is we handle things differently. We have different temperaments and emotional threshold.
To break off a relationship officially is kind of matured, but I have seen situations where it doesn’t end well.
It could go two extreme ways. Breaking down into tears or violence. We have had cases where men and women have been victims of acid bath because of a relationship gone sour.
There is no one worth dying for.
If it’s meant to be, it will be no matter the situation on ground.
It should be a do or die affair.
If you have to walk away from a relationship I wouldn’t tell you to be official or unofficial about it. I would simply say be matured about it.
Study your partner (in this case your potential Ex.) and try to be as nice as possible. (I am not too sure if I have been nice sha, but I think I have been nice since
Seriously, let’s be wise about it.
I have been wiser over the years and I don’t want to get any wiser on breakup because no one will be doing that to me neither would I do to anyone again.
You could share your opinions on how you think relationships should be broken off and save a soul. (hmmmm……)
So, Bibi Dear, I have always known you to be strong and I trust you will be this time as always. Sure 2013 has the best in store you.
Meanwhile, as usual in other news, lots of things are happening. Am off Blackberry, it wasn’t easy at all sha.  I have been BB celibate for one week and am good. Android on my mind.
As usual Wink wink at the young man who took power horse to avoid sleep and is snoring as I write. I wish you all the best in your forth coming exams.
Count down to Dela babe’s wedding. I am so excited.
On a final note, Happy Birthday to Segun Bonty. (Though as usual I feel like knocking your head now).
Have a wonderful, weddingfull (so many weddings here and there) weekend.



  1. Nice.. honestly im of the opinion, one has to be official about it..

    if you have to break off a relationship with a loved one, put into consideration one thing, you and the person have shared a bond together as much as it has gone sour you both could still be friends. leaving a relationship and going on as though both of you never existed aint nice, infact its not realistic.. the problem is whether both parties like it or not, you both existed as one, one time. break up and stay friends.. kapishhh

    so if you have to break off, pls pls pls be really nice about it..

  2. Being unofficial is the coward's way of easing out. I'm as guilty as hell!

  3. HMMM. this is really nice and realistic because it's happening to somebody as i'm writing now(looking sad.

    Personally, i've done it officially for romantic relationships but i've done it in ways to make sure that we are still friends.

    To be honest, i believe that if romantic relationships donot work out it does not mean that we can no longer be civil or useful to each other (no strings attached).

    But for non- romantic relationships? it's unofficial all the way. wink*


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